Just a few words about my friend, Cancer

Cancer wears a hemp necklace and a white baseball cap. Cancer's favorite band is Staind, but Cancer puts on John Mayer when he's feeling sexy. Cancer waxes his eyebrows and shaves his chest. It makes the Axe bodyspray stay on longer (Cancer likes the chocolate scent). Cancer drives a Toyota Celica but really wants a Jeep Wrangler. Cancer's favorite movie is Van Wilder and his favorite TV Show is American Dad. Cancer takes his dates out to Olive Garden, Outback if she's really special (where they split the chocolate thunder from down under). Cancer wishes Abercrombie stocked Ed Hardy t-shirts. Cancer thinks he can play guitar, but can only play Redemption Song. Cancer's favorite Red Hot Chili Pepper's song is Under the Bridge and thinks Anthony Kiedis has a killer bod.